I’ve discussed the power of giving and receiving grace. How about acknowledging when grace was present? Or when grace wasn’t present?
Acknowledging grace takes presence
Acknowledgment means KNOWING. I know I felt grace on Easter Sunday. For the first time in years, I didn’t go to church. Instead, I lounged in the sun, with my boyfriend and his roommate’s dog. This dog wears his anxiety on his eyes and ears, always looking for his person. But on Easter, he graced us by being fully present, even ending with a run. That freedom, of both running and relaxation, felt like grace, because I too have been a ball of anxiety. We channeled our energies together.
I felt grace throughout Easter. I had no plans and instead allowed the day to flow. I didn’t expect a table full of tacos for Easter Brunch, but I am glad life afforded this option. (I didn’t take pics of the meal and instead the cute tablecloth, pictured.) Nor did I expect an existential movie as part of the celebration, but just like the film’s protag learned, there is near-infinite possibility in the universe, if you allow yourself to take chances. Acknowledging grace means being open to new ways of looking at your own life, which leads to:
Living authentically takes grace
I’ve been working on acknowledging how I live my life. While I LOVE how much I do, from working to writing, I need to give my headspace more grace. This means practicing self-compassion through introspection and meditation. Aka feeling the feelings and changing my self-talk. By just sitting in the feelings, it can feel like a minefield.
I see some contradictions in my self-talk:
- I am simultaneously proud of everything I’ve accomplished and worried that I haven’t done enough.
- I am anxious that I haven’t lived up to my parents’ expectations while also happy that I am finally learning my own path.
- I am frustrated that I have not only dissociated from many accomplishments and people, I am also not fully living in this present moment.
And so, in acknowledging those thoughts, I am working on the feelings. I feel proud. I made the move to Colorado to change my life. I am proud that I am giving time (grace!) to do what I love, and regularly at that: exercising, writing, reading, working for a nonprofit.
I feel loved and usually joyful when I have a life talk with my boyfriend. When he hugs me in the grocery store or when I grab his hand or head, I know he feels the same. When I sit in the sunshine, I feel the universe’s love. I also feel hopeful that I can learn to love myself.
It’s not all just sunshine, though. I feel angry when my self-talk turns into disappointment. Why didn’t you stand up for yourself? Why can’t you say, “no”? How are you still the same person in this new space?
By sitting in introspection, I emotionally check-in with myself, resulting in the gross acknowledgement that I haven’t given myself grace.
I hope affirmations create real change so I can start giving myself grace:
- I am intelligent.
- I am capable of hard things.
- I am worthy of love.
- I accept life with love.
- I have people.
- I am full of love.
- I am strong.
- I am proud of me.
- I am creating a life worth living.
I am working on mindfully living in the present, and that’s why these affirmations are all in the present tense. They’re not about my past experiences or worries over the future.
Even though my anxiety still comes knocking, I am trying to show it grace, too. I can’t always control my anxious thoughts, but I can see them and affirm that the thoughts are only part of me. I can also respond to anxiety with feeling. And that’s why these affirmations are not just verbs, they’re descriptors of pride, courage, and self-love.
I am giving myself time to sit and find what self-compassion through grace looks and feels like. Because I am more than my thoughts, feelings, what I’ve done, and what I haven’t done (yet).
And right now? Sometimes self-care is just sitting in grace, enjoying the sunshine.
Over to you. How are you acknowledging grace in your life?