Wow, April. My, my, my, how things have changed since March. Not to alarm anyone, but today marks a third of 2023 gone to pass. How have you spent it? This last month has seen a change in my temperament, from occasional melancholy to hopeful, as I am learning to share stories and be vulnerable with more people. Coffee talks and dates with myself and others have inspired me. Read on for how this change has resulted in some habit development, as well as progress for my annual goals. If you stop reading, know that you matter, and I believe in you!
I have committed to the following goals in April 2023:
- Make art for its own sake once/week
- Take myself on weekly dates
- Run for fun once/week
- Support a nonprofit once/month
- Continue swapping to vegan wares
Art looks like appreciation now. Going to an elephant exhibit by myself. Reading and writing stream of conscious pieces. Catching an Electronic Dance Music (EDM) show one night (and bonding with a new friend over a potential Womxn in Progress podcast collaboration), followed by a cozy jazz session with sweet serenades by Ella Fitzgerald the next day. Exploring street art and museums in good company. This art appreciation is helping me recognize a gift for discernment and display, I almost instinctually know when to share details on a particular work and when not to, allowing my companion(s) to share their experiences and reflections.
Certainly, I want to create my own art too, and so I have also been doodling while journaling. Writing is a consistent habit since childhood, but illustrating is a waning habit. This process of translating my feelings through multiple mediums helps future me signify a particular space in a new light, as I can look back at the journal to both read AND see my art(?). In other words, I’m learning to document spaces via doodle instead of photo and becoming less focused on presentation. Even if I don’t post a photo to social media, I still have a self-expectation of good lighting and captivating imagery. Instead, the doodles are for me, allowing my hands and heart to see what or who’s before me, instead of the camera’s interpretation.
While friends have told me I have a good eye for lighting (hello, film major), my main medium of words remain. Taking photos is a newer phenomenon, thanks to my college studies, as well as social media’s ever-present nagging to document and display. Transitioning habits is a process, and that’s one reason why “making art for its own sake” is an annual goal, so that I can gently remind myself to work on making. While I have learned how to curate my social platforms, I recognize that I still document many experiences through photo, and now my phone’s storage is nearly at capacity! That’s another reinforcement to try pairing my writing with doodles, instead of photos that simply take up space. Replacement habits can be hard, but since doodling was a childhood activity, hopefully my inner child will speak loudly. Illustration brought so much joy as a child, before I learned how productivity culture places value on literal representation or specific looks, and unlearning has been a fun challenge.
Younger Kaylie is delighted by this art-making of Older Kaylie, as well as my intrepid solo adventures and process of becoming plant-based. After spending the first 3 months of the year mainly dating myself, I am going on regular dates again, but some of April’s solo dates have resulted in finding myself and others. I found myself at a spring fest at Luvin Arms Animal Sanctuary, surrounded by children, but this experience also brought me to new friends, Taylor and Olivia. The solo adventure at Luvin Arms was a highlight of April, and other self-dates included exploring an arts district after going to church with Karl and Julia on Easter, picnicking in my backyard, and spending ample time doodling and journaling at coffee shops and libraries. All this is to say that self-dates don’t have to be extravagant affairs and instead focused on little treats.
Small reinforcements enforce big goals. One of my long-term goals is to become vegan, as animals are sentient beings. While at the sanctuary, one lamb followed me around for 30 minutes, never leaving my side, trotting like a pup. Perhaps this was due to my calm personality, or maybe it was my coffee? Turns out a variety of animals love caffeine just like I do. In fact, 2 cows sniffed and curled up around me, inches away from my face! (Even though my Wisconsinite upbringing often makes an appearance through my tone, I think my Coloradan is more apparent.) I really am getting close with many animals, even watching Huds for the third time. Taking care of animals is something that brings me joy but also requires vigilance, and so I did emergency pet training with my roommate this month, too.
In the wild, animals may not want help, though, and I was reminded how animals deeply care about protection. For example, on my run this morning, I chose to charge my phone instead of bring it on my person, linking back to a goal of simply running for fun (or at least, for its own sake, not for a specific time, endurance, or social media post). I woke up at 6am, despite only heading to bed 5 hours earlier. It seemed a pit in my stomach had 1 solution, wake up with the sun and just run. And so I did. Though I was the only human present, a flock of whopping cranes and geese were my companions. While I saw a solo crane a few days before on a run through hail (yep!), I was more surprised by the geese. As it was early, I interrupted their mothering, as their ducklings were learning how to enter the water. While I thought 3 feet distance was enough separation, 2 geese hissed at me, sticking their tongues out to protect their youth. I doubled my distance, shocked at their display! Social distancing, anyone? I have never experienced a goose sticking their tongue out at me, let alone 2!
And so now I am focusing energy on plant-based organizations, including the aforementioned animal sanctuary, restaurants that serve vegan food, PawsCo of course, and a new-to-me organization, Pax Fauna. The spring festival at the animal sanctuary wasn’t simply a chance to meet cows and lambs, I also linked with Pax Fauna. They (we) are in the process of city-wide change for a future focused on loving and protecting all animals, and I will be helping scratch my technical marketing itch. Details to come. PawsCo is getting my support, too, as the gala this fall inches closer. I am excited for what’s ahead for all these organizations, as spring and summer often means more time outside, volunteering for noble non-profits, and more time with animals!
April 2023 brought process to these annual goals:
- Start designing tiny house
- Research grad schools
I spent a couple days with friends exploring my home state, and it was a cozy weekend, reminding me I have people everywhere, if I just pay attention. I discussed with them one of my annual goals, deciding where home is next. Colorado still has a piece of my heart, but I still like the idea of designing a tiny home. On the horizon, I will do just that, as it’s a big investment, but it also allows freedom to explore. Or I may consider a home with them! Keeping options open, my current living space has brought peace, too, as rent is stable, and we all share values of agency, compassion, and calmness. I am so grateful for all these people!
My roommates often remind me that goals change, and I am grateful they have given me space and ample time to life talk. (Coffee talks are some of my favorite ways to connect with people!) When I wrote my annual goals 4 months ago, I considered “research grad schools” in the hope of finalizing a book draft, but now I’m considering going back to school for a shift in careers to become a curator, librarian, or data scientist. This may or may not be shocking to people, but books and museums have always captivated me, guiding experiences of empathy and education. And I already think like a data engineer and journalist, finding systems and trends within multiple points of view. In fact, I am thinking information science has been quietly calling, and now I am ready to answer. And so I have begun looking at programs! This has been tremendously exciting to see my values of accessibility of data, honesty of sharing truth, and courage to honor stories and voices, in such a degree. Check out my values page here, and stay tuned.
With this focus on relationship building, especially the one with myself, there are a few goals I haven’t focused on this month:
- Visit France
- Finish bookcase
- Develop daily ab/arm routines
Since my goal was to visit France over Spring Break and that has since passed, I think it’s high time to adjust this goal. Shall I focus on the visiting aspect? Such as visiting somewhere new? Or is France really where I want to go? Context matters: My friend Allie was teaching in Paris for the first 3 months of the year, and she is now back home. But just because she has returned doesn’t mean I have to wait for her to visit France. This goal needs some workshopping, but I do know international travel is fun with a companion.
On the other side, some of my goals are purposefully by myself. Namely, finishing my bookcase. While I was thrilled to be reading about makers and innovators for this month’s Omit to Commit chapter/post, only a handful of books were from my collection. This experience of sorting through my bookshelf led me to share a book with Dana, as he and I have become closer, and I trust him to not lose the book! I’m also working on cross-channel documentation of my book’s progress via social media (follow O2C on Instagram here), and one of the authors from my research, Gretchen Rubin, even engaged with my last post! Since one of my annual goals is to read through my bookshelf, I hope to see trends in my books and write O2C’s next chapter based on books I own, instead of focusing on borrowing from the library. In fact, my bookshelf is organized by theme, so maybe this self-assignment will help. You can also let me know what research you’d like me to dive into, too, by commenting or filling out this habits form.
One final lesson and goal progress point is that people need other people. My daily arm/ab exercise routines fluctuate, but my roommate and I did discuss summer goals for our house, so that brings me hope. Telling people about my experiences with health is often an eye-opening experience for both parties. In fact, within days of me sharing here that I’d like to talk about my experiences with invisible illness, I had the opportunity to do just that at the school I work for! Bravery looks like honesty, and the dividends of the experience still remain: Students still come up to me, asking questions about my eye, walking, and hearing. And though I am a work in progress, I am grateful for my experiences. Being legally blind (with one eye near- and the other far-sighted) has given me gifts, such as seeing colors and patterns. A walking problem, thanks to an S-curved spine, has not prevented me from working on my abs, running a half marathon a few years ago, or preparing for races in the future!
I feel tremendously grateful for deeper relationships and self-assignments. So many people have checked in on me this month, especially Cathy and my brother, and I am also grateful to have support from my roommates. The first few months of 2023 really shook my core, and I am finally coming around, being open-hearted for what’s ahead. Courage can look like stumbling, admitting limitations, but now I’m ready to share. The more I share, the truth becomes easier. (In fact, this post only took an hour, instead of the average 2!) April gave a little taste of the Divine, and I am grateful. Over to you: How are you really? What do your goals’ progress look like? Have your habits changed, have you? Here for you!