Inner Compass: Routines, Relationships, and Rewards

Welcome back to my examinations of “inner compass”, my word for the year! 2023’s nearly halfway over, and while I am looking ahead, these monthly examinations of inner compass help me stay rooted in the present. Asking consistent questions like, “what do I value?” and “how do I show up?” have framed much of this word for 2023 content, so let’s dive in.

An inner compass requires some sort of route, and that looks like balancing routine with adventure.

Something I know to be true about myself is that I crave routines but make a habit of adventuring, too. I have lived in CO for nearly 2(!) years now and love finding new and regular spaces that feel welcoming, not just for a visit but long-term. Such spaces include Lafayette due to its inclusive, community art spaces; Lakewood due to its diversity and openness of cultures; and Nederland due to its natural, welcoming environment. As an INFJ, seeing how I feel within spaces is ongoing work. Where is home? Novelty is a fleeting feeling, and I am learning to value the emotion and action of engaging with life, regardless of environment.

There is something to be said about freedom within limits, and so that’s why I schedule adventures on Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoons. Holding space to explore means finding trends within different places, and so I always try to find high-value spots, including a walking/running trail, coffee shop, and art space. These aren’t too difficult to find, as they are generally public experiences. And they rest in my key values of creating, moving, and exploring. Typically, I research a new location ahead of time, starting with a radius around a park or preserve. That way, my day will at least include moving, and I can be agile to the other goals for the day, responding to events, people, and shifting environments. Generally, I accomplish my routine of running, caffeinating, and making/consuming art every weekend.

I’ve written about the repeatability and reliability of routines before (in 2021, I wrote, “you are what you repeat“). My inner compass shows that I crave the regular habit of moving, as it is one of my core values. Seasonally, I coach Girls on the Run; throughout the year, I am a plant-based endurance athlete. Thanks to running every other day, these exercises help me stay present and forward-thinking. My legs, once unable to walk in a consistent stride, now carry me across distances, shifting quickly, as my brain is thoughtful and thoughtless at the same time. Liberated and free, yet challenged and fulfilled, running is my moving meditation on maintenance mode.

How often can I say habits are unconscious and just things I do, beyond running? And how do I preserve my energy? “Being” a human requires pausing, instead of constantly “doing”. The cult of productivity is always calling, so when I allow myself to sit in the sunshine and the storms, processing feels more natural than flooding (pun intended). Thanks to Spring, these sitting times sometimes result in savoring the mental, physical, and/or emotional space. Doodles, trends of what feels right, and discoveries abound, such as seeing what I want, short- and long-term. But this sitting time doesn’t guarantee contentment. Whether I’m working toward a goal or just sitting in my feelings, giving myself permission to process my anxieties, lingering grief, and bouts of sadness shows I’m growing. I don’t have to go-go-go all the time. I can just be, feel the feelings.

An inner compass demands recognizing my relationship with myself before my responses to others’.

Thanks to ample time alone throughout the start of 2023, one result was building a more authentic relationship with myself. What internal beliefs do I wish to present and share? Are my values changing, am I? And while I don’t think the core of people change, environments shape how their truths are shared. So how can I make certain my spaces are nurturing growth and supportive?

These questions and meditations show me I value clarity. If someone does not know themselves, it’s not my job to teach them who they are. Instead, it is my job to be supportive, if they so choose. I’ve learned some people do not want support, and that’s okay. I stopped a relationship where the other person craved bar culture more than time with me. That was isolating, difficult for me to grapple with, especially as I am on my own journey of sobriety. Certainly, if I am comfortable, I will enjoy a drink or two. Environment really makes a difference, and I must feel safe with the people I’m with. But I have seen that SO MUCH has made me feel uncomfortable, that I need to be there for me first.

So it might be surprising to some readers that I am regularly dating someone again. And I am delighted, too. But that’s how life happens, and I am grateful this person sees me for where I am now, and I him. We have known each other for a while, and each time we hang out, it feels natural. Laughter, deep conversations, and exploring abound. And I am working on being direct from the start, such as sharing boundaries around free time, language, and social media.

Other relationships include ever-evolving volunteer roles, recognizing agency and collaboration go hand-in-hand. I’m excited to test system-learning and automation for a startup organization. Not only is this different than my typical marketing and event volunteerism, it is for a more politically driven AND new group, so it’s all novel. But this is balanced with my summer routine of volunteering for Levitt Pavilion. The first show, Fishbone, was absolutely phenomenal, balancing anti-racist rhetoric with cool ska tunes. Plus, PawsCo work is ongoing and will be shifting from pet fostering and adoption marketing to gala marketing. All nonprofits, these orgs need support, and I enjoy this tight rope of NOT knowing what’s next for 1 org while regularly volunteering for 2 known. Therefore, this last inner compass R makes sense:

An inner compass requires some risk and reward.

“Risk” here means not knowing how something will turn out. I am a big believer in trying, as this leads to learning, hopefully resulting in making something fun or accessible. While I am nervous about a consistent relationship, as well as helping a POLITICAL small group, I am not alone. And as long as I honestly show up and keep trying, the results will speak for themselves. There will always be some risk whenever there’s other people involved, and my introverted self craves depth to stay fulfilled. (Stay tuned, I’ll keep you posted on these developments!)

And so the reward in all this work is learning. From putting myself out there to begin dating again, to meditating on what I need, I am learning who I am! And learning that I want to go back to school, and soon, for information science. This is probably not shocking, as it’s the crossroads of storytelling and data, but it took me YEARS to discover this path. And how rewarding this professional winding road has been, as I’ve learned AP Style, videography, marketing, and so many more avenues to tell stories and shape narratives. I am excited for what’s ahead!

And my inner compass is speaking loudly. Paying attention to cues means more focus on my values. Sharing details when it feels right, such as this new dude and potential new degree. There is much on the horizon, and the future looks a little different, yet comparable, to my current life. I’ll still be researching and writing, but perhaps for a public organization. My dreams of writing a book and working in public media remain, and I hold fast to them. And I also rest in the knowledge that I am presently working toward them, whether it’s regular blogging or taking the risk of applying to school. Sometimes the reward is in the trying, but I’m also hopeful for what’s ahead.

And so, one last risk: I have been asking for more direct support. Dear reader, can you help me? One way is through commenting with one or two routines or habits. What resonates, what needs more clarity? I’d love to hear from you, here or on social media! And another way you can support this website? Please return again. I’ll see you for the next inner compass post on June 10th, if not sooner for Omit to Commit research or the latest 2023 goals progress report. Here for you, thanks for being here for me!