Goals Progress Report: July 2023

I type this on my boyfriend’s Chromebook, and in the distance, a pup snatches a bug with his snout. My pores dry, still salty from the morning’s run. This is work, but it is also very much play. Both are true. Adjusting expectations has been a theme this month, and while I am grateful, life has been a lot. Broken technology, from my laptop to my phone, has made research next to impossible. Ceaseless rain caused displacement of my home, and yet I am now dog-sitting across Colorado for the next 4 weeks. Replacements are the name of the game, from a follied road trip to agile adventures with friends and family, day-to-day life is transitioning.

I have committed to these 2023 goals in July:

• Research grad schools
• Support a nonprofit once/month
• Run for fun once/week

Now that I am part-time at the school I work for, I have learned to give myself time, scheduling key activities but also trying to do “nothing” on purpose. (Reading, sitting are not nothing.) It hasn’t been a smooth transition, as work is so much of how I view myself. Initially, my plan was to work 3 full days and extend my weekends, but now I work a few hours every weekday. And for most of this month and next, I watch dogs. Dog and house-sitting have not only helped me save money, I am learning how big and vast Colorado is. Englewood is far more lush than my first impression; metro is close to so many schools and restaurants and therefore buzzes; Aurora is one beautiful sprawl. These spaces reinforce I need time to sit, walk (with a dog) in them, and simply be.

As a result of these shifts, the library has truly become my haven for doing research for my book, as well as my now anticipated acceptance into grad school! I have accepted a placement in DU’s Library and Information Science master’s program, with a concentration in Research Data Management. What’s left is waiting for my official Ripon transcript to be processed. But I’m hopeful, as my essays, reference letters, and resume met the requirements, including a scholarship too!

One of my goals in the program is to better understand why and how people consume information. I believe in agency, as each person inherently has the rights to data, stories, and materials, but there is a huge need for people of all walks of life to see themselves in narratives, whether it’s folks with disabilities or LGBTQIA+ stories. I want to help shape collections but also help people learn to tell their own stories. I also want to preserve past histories, too, so whether that’s digitizing, organizing data, or presenting story in new formats, I am excited to lean into public education because that’s one key role of librarians and information scientists (there’s a reason DU’s program is in the education center). Perhaps education has always called, as I’ve always felt a sense of community in academia.

Communities reinforce identities, and so I am considering joining something (a church, pantry, or gym) again. Certainly, graduate school may come with cohorts, and I hope this specialized degree will result in like-minded people. Organizing data/curations/collections isn’t easy work. Ethics matter, especially in preserving unique stories. As I am the sum of all my roles, not simply learner, I am also thinking about joining a formalized team or group (Zumba, soccer, dance?) for little reinforcements like working on my body more regularly. Yes, I am running and walking nearly every day, but I miss the team environment.

The point of progress isn’t necessarily completion. Sometimes, success just looks like showing up, day after day. This repeatability helps sustain me, so my goal isn’t necessarily to run faster or longer. It is to enjoy the act of running a little. Enjoyment doesn’t need to be shunned. Some challenge is okay, whether it’s a tough run from the day before, the blistering sun elongating my pace, or pains. Yet I have seen that fun helps, and so the feelings I attach to my runs have improved. Therefore, I am often running for its own sake. Even with a run resulting in a broken phone this month, or another run resulting in a lost book earlier this year, “runner” has remained a steadfast identity. More so than “athlete”, and I am okay with that. I am also accepting that I probably won’t be coaching Girls on the Run again this semester, due in part to grad school. However, I am still happy to volunteer. I don’t need titles to prove my worth, but it is good to identify with a community. Perhaps I miss fellowship in many forms.

Structured spaces create environments conducive to activities but also potential pals. Volunteering can provide that, but I miss having something more scheduled, non-digital, and in-person. Routines help me connect deeper to the cause(s). Yet at the same time, I am tired. Mercifully, both PawsCo and Levitt understand that service isn’t always sustainable. Part of me feels guilty that I have only done a couple hours of volunteerism this month, but their networks are wide, and people have checked in. Recognizing that I don’t have to do it all is helpful. Friends have reminded me I am in a space of needing help, and that means I don’t always have to give it. (As a helper type, that’s the other side: Getting help is hard but part of being human/a friend.)

I made progress to these goals:

• Continue swapping to vegan wares
• Develop daily abs routines
• Take myself on weekly dates
• Make art for its own sake once/week

I can glean additional fellowship from my continual progress to plants-based living. While I did eat some fish this month, I have mainly stayed away from dairy. Lactose intolerance helps with this, but it’s also learning how smart cows are! Perhaps I need to lean into this group more, but I also need to honor the process. With my longer runs, water helps more than milk. And eating higher quality plants-based food has also helped me see when I am actually hungry.

Coping can sometimes look like eating, but I have learned some affirmations. Saying, “I am not hungry, I am sad or anxious” has helped me acknowledge how I have previously used food, whether it was a time filler, a bridge to try to connect people, or merely a distraction from feeling. My relationship with food is changing. I really have tried to remove the idea of food as reward too, as that means it is sometimes punishment. In reality, there is no such thing as “good food” or “bad food”, it is simply a source of energy.

These changes have resulted in changes to how I perceive my body. While I am at least walking every day, abs and arms are still works in progress. On the one hand, with so much in transition, my body feels like one of the only items I can control. Yet on the other, I know the 30s typically bring more changes to the body, and my schedule will fluctuate during grad school. So how can I make a habit of exercising and eating well? I think being prepared now with help. Little pockets of time have given me chances to develop mini ab routines. Time really consumes so much of my thoughts and actions.

This is because I believe time is the best gift. Transitioning to part-time at work has allowed for more time researching my book, enduring longer runs, and attempting meditation. How much of life is based off of the time you give it? Where no one is watching? Knowing myself, the only concrete plan I had for time freedom (a whole week off for the Fourth) was a road trip, exploring Nebraska, Iowa, and Wisconsin. A big self-date, with hopes to visit my friends Brooke and Kali, as well as some family. I only made it to the first state, as my car overheated. I am grateful my dad gifted me an AAA membership so I could tow the car halfway, thankful my boyfriend D gave me so much time from picking me up to coming with me to the mechanic, and also reminded by my understanding friends of this seemingly simple truth: Sometimes life just happens.

At least the car troubles helped me understand what was happening to my vehicle when Cathy visited this month? I am so grateful she came! While my new phone hasn’t been able to backup photos from the last year, I will paint a picture of some of my time with Cathy:

1. Friendship surpasses distance, thanks to regular communication, but I am so grateful to pray, hug, and even dance in-person.
2. Technology and print media can work together: Sometimes, Google knew better than we did, and so I recommend checking spaces for reviews and park passes ahead of time. And also, print directions.
3. There’s a reason bottled water comes in packs of 32, and chocolate and candy are not created equally. Always have snacks.
4. Climbing isn’t for everyone. Tree-climbing resulted in fire ants. Wearing socks and shoes is always wise, not just for ankle protection.
5. Shared experiences bond, especially if they’re not planned.

This last one really matters to me, as again and again I learn people just want time. I am so grateful people have visited me, even if I am still learning how I interface with this state. For example, on the last day, Cathy and I gallivanted through Denver Art Museum, thanks to some crazy temps. We didn’t plan on going back and forth, but it was surreal seeing different pieces from different angles, and also finding some favorites, like O’Keefe.

One of the exhibits shared that in Africa, art is never for its own sake. And that will resonate with me, as one reason why I create is to pour out my experiences and emotions into something. Have I been overthinking my reasons, instead of just making? Similarly, Cathy and I tried swing dancing lessons, and the instructors shared it is a safe space to simply try. And so that is my goal now in my art, more than for “its own sake”, is just to try. Get comfortable with just creating. And so I am happy to share that I’ve returned to poetry and want to pick up painting and go dancing again soon.

In July, I omitted work toward these 2023 goals:

• Design tiny house
• Visit France
• Read through bookshelf

Spending ample time with doggos this month has shown me what kind of home I enjoy, and part of me is truly reconsidering the tiny home idea. Is it that this degree (2 years) can take me anywhere? Is that these temporary displacements of my home, from the doggo time to my flooded bedroom earlier this summer, have caused me to truly minimize, and see that what I value more than space (stuff) is time? A space protects, and I am grateful for my intelligent, gracious roommates for adjusting and redoing the floors and walls to prevent future floods. But not being so concerned with space, instead of feeling hopeless, I feel free. I can, in theory, go anywhere.

…But not France. Now that my friend is no longer teaching there, I don’t feel a call to go. Yes, there are beautiful, historical things to explore there. And I probably will, one day. But for now, staying rooted is extremely important to me, whether it’s being there for my boyfriend or taking classes at an accredited institution, I am working to make this place feel like home, at least for a couple more years.

Maybe then I’ll actually get to my bookshelf. The flood temporarily collapsed it, but my ingenious roommate fixed it. Instead, I have felt a call to my book club’s feminist picks, enjoyed a handful of essayists, and have been on a psych book kick, examining failing psychiatric care and depersonalization. After these few weeks of dog-sitting, I’ll be returning to the comforts of home, including my reads, but then grad school will result in even more reading (my favorite!). So it’s possible what’s left on my shelf will be my moments of bliss.

And that’s key: I have found some fleeting feelings of happiness here. Yes, I could focus on all the broken bits, but in reality, I am still working toward my goals, getting more comfortable in my own skin (and spaces), and feeling more myself. Choosing to spend the time with dogs, a book, or my boyfriend over festivals or other events have proven I am less distracted and more careful on protecting my energy. Minimizing, due to dogs and the flood, has shown me relationships and time matter more than anything. Support is, thankfully, here, I have to take it. I hope the same is true for you, dear reader. Any lessons from July? What are you working toward? Hope to hear from you.