Book Review-Ish: How Tidying Up Reveals Progress on Other Habits

After writing about wanting to read more in May, I did! I’m not sure if it was because I wrote about it last week and this proved to be an external motivator, or if it was the feeling of having a long sought after book in my hands but… I finally buckled down and read Marie Kondo’s book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (see my TL:DR review here). The hype for this book phenomenon is there, and it got me thinking and doing, reviewing and responding.

A lot of what I’m working on, in and outside of this website, is hyper-focused on productivity. Naturally, by focusing on good habits, I sometimes neglect other habits. And the more I think about how this website can impact people, by revealing my thoughts, motivations, and stages of development for a variety of habits, the more I realize I can help by sharing.

Even though I’m a work in progress minimalist, I’ve accrued a lot. Maybe it’s because I am small. Maybe it’s because I am independent. But a lot of folks, family and friends both, give me things. Which is nice, but these items are not always needed. And while the thought is there, as Kondo’s book says, is their gift-giving really about the stuff, or is it about the feeling: They thought of me and therefore externalized it with something?

As a result of my goals, in and outside of this website, I am starting, category by category, to get rid of the excess. This includes internal and external clutter. Kondo suggests putting everything of a certain category in a pile, starting with clothes. The emotional and physical weight of my shirts alone is heavy. Why do I have shirts in the triple digits? Jerseys, work-wear, athletic wear, t-shirts, camis (loathe those). It’s time to toss.

As I discriminate between keep, discard, and donate for each item, I am applying this change to other habits. That’s one of the main reasons why I’m here online, isn’t it? Changing habits to make a better life.

How clearing clutter can help you understand other habits

1. It’s not so obvious what’s a bad habit if you don’t recognize it yourself as such.

I am type A, so I schedule most of my life. Let’s be honest: Most of this website is about forming systems and fulfilling goals based on good habits. In real life, that looks like I’m almost over-planning my life. As a result, I don’t have much room for vices. I don’t eat or drink excessively (and even gave up beer for Lent). I am working on swearing less, including euphemisms. I don’t smoke. I don’t overspend and always pay bills on time.

But I do struggle with picking my hair. It’s a vicious cycle, usually triggered by stress. Sometimes, I’ll spot the split end, and I’ll be relieved once I see a straighter end of hair. On some level, I know this is ruining my hair. So, I’ve tried to stop. I don’t gain anything by temporarily feeling satisfaction (control) as a result of picking. And by researching Trichotillomania, I know I am not alone in this bad habit.

So, I changed my behavior, and as a result, I am on my way to removing this habit! Some ways I’ve changed: I started tidying up and began talking to people about this habit. I am even sharing this bad habit publicly right now. I am picking less, and I am healthily dealing with the cues (circumstances that cause stress). In addition, I have found an easy habit to replace picking: Regularly getting my hair cut.

Just like it’s easy to get a shirt if you don’t like your outfit, it may seem like the short-term satisfaction is worth it. But it’s not, long-term. I want to let my bad habit of picking split ends go, just like I’ve removed ⅔ of my wardrobe, thanks in part to Kondo. I value health as an extension of my identity, including an individual with well-kept hair. I value a minimalist lifestyle, too. My changed behavior of not picking and decluttering is shaping a new identity. I feel free.

2. As a result of doing too much, it’s harder to distinguish what habits are really joyful.

A good friend and I like to say we’re overachievers. We each have blogs, full-time jobs, volunteer regularly, participate in a range of hobbies, and enjoy meaningful relationships with friends and family. Each day is exciting to me because it welcomes possibility to fulfill any of these core aspects of my life. But doing so much, all of the time, welcomes exhaustion. When checking your habits, you have to lay it all out on down on somewhere (or, in the case of clutter, the floor) and really examine each habit and your motivation for fulfilling it. If you’re a creative, in particular, you may want to translate all of your habits into a piece of art, not just introspect.

When examining your day-to-day life and overarching goals, asking questions is essential. Consider: Are each of my habits meaningful? Have I been carrying the weight of too many habits, not just too many things? When you’re doing a lot of projects, you have to recognize how many resources are being used. Not just the physical products but time and attention, too.

One way I maintain a creative habit is by serving on a committee for a local food pantry, including some communications projects, in addition to serving breakfast for the same organization. Right now, I love the feeling of serving front of house. Behind the scenes, I help with projects, like updating their website. I am giving myself time to review and react: Can I integrate the behind the scenes service into my life more, so it’s sustainably in my routine? I may find the scheduled service more satisfying, just like the regularly scheduled breakfast is.

Just like Kondo’s technique of checking every single item before parting or keeping, you have to give yourself head space to examine all of your habits. Are the habits (and items) meaningful to you and worth your effort? Habits in their many forms shape life and identity. Why not start considering all of your habits now?

3. It may be easy to try new habits alone, but you need support to keep focused.

For some of my clutter, clearing out the physical junk has been surprisingly easy. I think this might be because I’m going alone. But I have some stuff that once belonged to others or was gifted to me, and so a part of me thinks I owe the giver something by keeping it. Kondo says these items served their purpose, and it should be relatively easy to part ways. Yet she also says you shouldn’t tell your parents what you’re discarding or donating because then they’ll (or you’ll) feel guilty. How do I gently part with the fantastical items from my family?

Are you staying present-minded with the people and things you have in life now? I am proud to be working on habits with many of my friends, and I am so glad to have this digital space to share them. All the work I’ve done has led up to this point. I can keep fostering good habits while shedding the rest. This is super motivating and exciting to me: Each day, I can normalize habits of reading, writing, and surrounding myself with good environments, whether that’s places, things, ideas, people, or some combination. I need support from those who appreciate me, and I am finally learning to say no to people who don’t care about me.

It’s not unusual for people to work on habits alone, especially as creatives. I too do most of my life work by myself, but it’s great to have support for many different areas of my life. I am also on a mission to help 19 fellow creatives with their systems and goals in 2019. So, in clearing the clutter and honing these strategies, I can focus on what and who I love. And that’s ultimately what matters. If you need a support system, I am here. Because, my friend, we’re all in this together. Thanks, Kondo. 4 stars.