I am so impressed with myself that I have written (and published) on the 10th of every month this year! The fact that I have committed to and accomplished this goal feels so satisfying. Savoring that feeling is a surreal experience because not only have I written 12 posts, I have gained emotional clarity on pieces of my identity. The goal of these inner compass posts was to have a record of what (who, where) I stand for and who I am (was).
I am still learning who that person is. Reveling in my individuality while also recognizing the communities that support me, I now recognize how much I am dependent on people. I savor the realization that feedback really matters to me. A few people compose my community, including members of my library/information science cohort, my roommates, a couple colleagues, and a handful of friends. Savoring also looks like appreciating this community and my alone time.
Solitude is a gift I don’t take lightly. Unlike at the start of the year, I am intentionally single, but I am ready to date monogamously again. I protect my alone time, whether it’s reading, running, or writing. The actions haven’t changed, but my feelings around these activities have. Thanks in part to my inner compass, I am more aware of presence, if my thoughts linger, linear, or are sporadic, if my feelings are affecting performance.
Sometimes, my solitude gives space for boredom, too. Instead of trying to fill this space, I am learning to sit and feel it out. What do I want to accomplish? Recognizing that boredom is useful, this space usually leads to writing or walking. Right now, I am working on 2 articles, a poem, and ideas for 2024’s word(s) for the year.
Lately, I favor reading when I’m alone, which is a significantly more satisfying task than doom-scrolling. And I hope to keep that habit swap in the next year. And the clock is ticking for my Goodreads goal, since pleasure reading was put on 2 months, thanks to grad school.
This leads to what I stand for. When I look at my values, they all ring true, but many are led by actions. What about emotional causes that aren’t necessarily related to organizations? For example, I am learning to stand up for myself, whether that’s calling out people who have (unintentionally or otherwise) hurt me or sharing my truth. Assertiveness is trying yet truthful.
Honesty is absolutely something I stand for, especially around others. I pride myself on being reliable to others. Now, I am working to be more truthful with myself, such as acknowledging when I am feeling disengaged. Certainly, life has been incredibly satisfying for most of the year, but I want to show up for most authentic self, including when I am not 100% satisfied. Giving space is crucial here because the goal of my life isn’t satisfaction or success. It’s meaning-making.
And I think I’ve made much meaning from and out of these inner compass posts. It’s meaningful to me that I have done what I set out to do! The reward is the work itself. Finding meaning in boredom and finding meaning in this new-to-me industry of library science has also been a shift for the year. Career isn’t everything, but it’s a lot of how I view myself.
While I have 2 more posts for the year, I am now thinking ahead of what next year will look like here online. What word will I assign 2024? Goals? Additional content, such as Omit to Commit? If there’s anything you’d like to see or something(s) that encouraged you in these inner compass posts, please share!