3 ways I’m growing more independent during corona

I’m back for week 6 of the Corona Diaries. Today’s topic is thanks to self-talk during my walk today. Over the last few weeks, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I have a tendency of using productivity for its own sake. While this work is useful, by constantly moving, I become dependent on this schedule, a routine. Instead of creativity or space. So this entry is all about how I’m learning to let go of physical motivations and schedules and grow into an independent routine that’s not pushed by constantly going and instead by giving myself space. I talk about the power of space as a gift here.

Before Corona, I was dependent on serving at the pantry every month and forgot other ways I contribute.

I started volunteering at a local food pantry two years ago. After preparing breakfast one Saturday, I was asked to join the communications committee to organize the non-profit’s mission across channels, in the hope of reaching more clients and volunteers. I still regularly made breakfasts and assisted with grocery shopping, helping nearly every week. Now, due to COVID-19, I remain at home and flex my marketing muscle, consulting the org on how to communicate during this time, via social and site. I have learned the feeling of serving comes behind the scenes, too.

Therefore, I am less dependent on attending the pantry every month and have even more time to help others. In the last few weeks, I have helped students edit papers and prepare speeches. This is something I love to do: their works and words are sharpened. I love seeing a piece come together. I now have more time in front of the screen, though I miss the pen scratches against paper.

I am also realizing how my paying job contributes to both the business and our small corner of the world. I am so grateful to work for a private organization that cares about work/life balance. I believe my marketing role is more important than ever, and because it is for a small business, the work is both PR and content, external and internal communications. Admittedly, it’s tough, but like much of life, it’s a balance.

Before Corona, I was dependent on feeling productive through external resources, and I forgot internal gifts.

Before this situation, I attended my gym nearly every day, even sometimes at midnight. I used the gym because it not only gave me more resources, it made my gym rat identity more credible. Don’t get me wrong, it’s exciting to do a HIIT workout with a handful of people by your side. And I’m friends with many trainers, God bless ’em. But I forgot how much I could do by myself (or just with myself) and have returned to martial arts via kickboxing, regularly go on walks and runs, and often use bricks as weights. I’m grateful for my boyfriend’s family for their home gym, as well.

In the same way, before this happened, I used the weekends to show off being a bit of a foodie and, admittedly, a beer snob. And while going to restaurants is fun, it wasn’t sustainable. I now have returned to cooking regularly, from experimenting with my French Press to make my dude’s mocha, to dusting off my Grandma’s trusty omelette maker. Returning to the kitchen has been a source of connection to my boyfriend, my family, and myself.

I also was dependent on external writing, instead of scribbling for my own sake. Perhaps these Corona Diaries are the combination of internal and external motivation? That by presenting myself via blog, it’s a portion of myself, but it’s still in the public?

Dependent on this image I cultivated, I forgot my other passions.

Don’t get me wrong, all of these identities are true and not inherently “wrong”: gym rat. Beer snob. Servant leader. Blogger. But by giving so much time to these roles before Corona, I forgot to give myself space to work on myself and what I love(d). It’s natural to let go of some identities, but now I have time to work on what I love, once more, and discover what else is new for me.

So, Corona has given me time for: being a bookworm again. Looking to the sky, as a hopeful astronomer (have you seen Venus these last couple days?). Checking in on more of my friends, as an accountibilibuddy. And these are all roles I care deeply about and hope to retain, after this is over.

So, Corona has been both a physical and mental challenge, especially as there’s at least a month left of self-isolation in my state. But this time has given me an opportunity to learn more about myself. I care about how people see me, but I am also working on bettering myself for myself, and that’s not selfish. What have you learned about yourself? Have you become more or less dependent on others? Let me know in the comments!