Experiment: Inventory and Mix

“Experiment” is my word for the year, encouraging play and curiosity of routines. The word sets my intent for the posts, as well as my micro-goals. June’s “inventory” represented the “i”. I’m struggling on what to share tonight. Acknowledging that I am uncertain what to write about makes me human. I think it’s because I don’t have a modus operandi lately. Each day is new. Which is sometimes exciting, but it’s also terrifying.

It’s time to take an inventory of the last 30 days. I am proud I:

• Completed my first year of grad school! Not only did I maintain excellent grades, but I have a support network. I am learning so much, from access to archives, and being a student in a formal setting again is so fun yet so tough
• Embraced radical honesty throughout the month, from publicly acknowledging my struggles and some privately with good but tough convos with my partner
• Resigned from 2 separate jobs… and started 2 new ones. It was freeing (from marketing/dependency) and dependent on faith (with less money and less skills to start… but more opportunities to come)
• Celebrated Allie and AJ’s love with an extended wedding weekend in Wisconsin
• Took physical inventories in so many spaces, from individual and institutional archiving to *gasp* my own penchant for collecting
• Practiced piano to get some slammin’ and jammin’ into my routine
• Ran double digits every week, on top of returning to the gym for lifting
• Attended my first library conference (and said no to my first archive conference, here’s some “say no” tips from my last post)
• Celebrated big and small moments with my boyfriend
• Limited cell phone use, with daily digital phone use down, besides when I am taking pics for “pupdates” when I am watching doggos or when I am talking
• Made space for service, such as at the VA
• Befriended new friends and reconnected with old, adding (virtual) life talks back into my weekly schedule
• Saved funds when possible, but I am working to enjoy lattes (and even vegan milkshakes like today!)
• Recognized shifting feelings about my side-hustles and volunteerism, and making steps to not slip into over-productivity mode

Inventorying above shows there’s a definite fullness to my routine, even as my schedule, identities, and even feelings are changing. Such fluctuation in activity shows that I need space to critically gently evaluate my emotions. What space can I make for my states of being, not just my ways of doing life?

Enter July’s experiment: Mix.

For part one, I mix doing with being.

For the next 30 days, I am going to try to honor my humanness by making space for the inevitable mix-ups. I am not saying to make mistakes on purpose. Instead, I want to give (self)compassion when these little mix-ups happen. That way, I can acknowledge them, label what they are, share how they affect me, and then move on.

Even today, working too quickly led to a couple errors. One is frustrating but a relatively easy fix, a parking ticket. Now I know not to park in a particular place on the second Wednesday of the month. By giving space for how I felt about the mix-up – frustration, thanks to hurriedness – I don’t think I’ll make the same mistake again. That pause is essential. More of that please!

Part two of the mini-experiment: I need to recognize mixed feelings.

As I have much novelty in my life right now, I generally enjoy a day-to-day schedule driven by curiosity. I have so much to explore! Create! Learn! Those are many of my lived values, and that’s awesome. But I also need to lean into when something isn’t serving me. Being busy productive for its own sake isn’t. Shocker! For the next 30 days, I hope to inventory when I have mixed feelings about a particular activity, kinda like a mood inventory, then make a definite “yes” or “no.”

Not everything is going to be fun and sunshine. In fact, a lot has been difficult. A couple of examples? These 100+ degree days are having me dripping while running, and sometimes my performances aren’t peak. Sharing my faith, sobriety journey, and newness to the library/archive field have taken a mix of courage and compassion. And so I also want to slow down and make space for these emotions and experiences, sometimes without doing anything, and actually rest.

I want to dive into mixed media and mixed methods.

My penchant is to “do.” Ever-reliable and ready, I dive into projects because of the novelty, helper-type, or the filling (of soul, schedule, whatever). But as I am making spaces for slower work, I neither need to do it all nor do it well. So I want to make art, this time through mixed media. I want to use some media that I haven’t played with in a while, or ever. Just to experiment with it. Maybe it’s a new type of instrument? Maybe it’s a handcraft? I do not know. But I want to make, just for its own sake. (Ideas welcome, comment!)

Likewise, I want to acknowledge there’s tons of mixed methods in this post. My partner’s in a research course right now. Feedback from moi is often qualitative questions or ideas to gather quantitative data. I want to make sure I’m making space for learning and listening.

My energy is high, but sometimes that doesn’t serve, so making space for mistakes, feelings, and creativity will help center me. Happily, those are all potential outcomes from this month’s experiment! Let me know if you have ideas for a “mixed media” to play with, and/or if you have comments on my experiments this year. I’d love to hear them, as I am learning so much about myself! Thanks, and see you again in 10 days. Be well!