“Only talk about what you want,” proclaims almost all of my morning meditations of the last week. It started as a tiny whisper, but it’s grown larger. What. I. Want.
When I imagine letting myself do what I want, I have to remember it’s for me, my energy, my space, my time. It’s not about what society/my parents/other authority figures/my anxiety think. And just doing it. (It should go without saying, but doing what I want is healthy, happy, and not hurting anyone.)
Why are adults so bad at doing what we want? For one, I think it’s external obligations. As I told my G-ma the other day, there are some parts of adulthood that you just gotta do. Pay taxes. Do the work.
But when the work is good? It doesn’t feel like work anymore. It feels like worthy tasks, challenging, but still just enough oomph to keep going, the next day, and the next day after that. I love feeling that flow.
So that’s one thing I want: I want flow.
Flow feels like time standing still, where I feel I’m part of something but also using my skills to the best of my abilities. In other words, I am still helping. That’s probably why I love editing so much. I am naturally talented at it, have refined my skills and tools, and the work makes someone’s life better my restructuring or reshaping their work. It gives ’em confidence, and that feeling is reciprocated. It’s a mutual understanding, which brings me to another thing I want:
I want feelings to direct my decisions.
I’m an INFJ, and that means I am very in touch with how others perceive me, as well as the shared spaces we’re in. But that also means I can burn out quickly, if it’s too much stimuli or too many people/ideas in one space. I want to be comfortable speaking my truth, regardless of how many divergent points of view are presented. I’m not afraid of public speaking. Rather, I am still learning how to say, “no” and stand up for myself. I support the underdog, so why can’t I give this to myself? So I’m leaning into work that gives space for emotional/mental energy, like writing, so I can make sound decisions. Yes, that means I can take longer making choices, but it’s time I’m giving myself. Another thing I’m giving myself: Fun.
I want life to be fun.
Life is hard, but it’s so worthwhile. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been giving myself time by myself to work on hobbies that I neglected most of last year, in favor of others’ wants. So, what do I find fun? Being outside, coffee cup in one hand, book in the other. Running, first thing in the morning. Taking classes, just because (I think I just answered my own question in my learning log, AI for Everyone‘s going to cost $$ to prove I took the course, but I can still just have the skills without the certification). Life talking and walking. Meal-prepping. Writing. Climbing at the gym.
So, there you have it. I want to keep owning my decisions, directing my life based on good thought and feeling. I’m going to keep going, doing what’s aligned with my goals and values, but I’ll be thinking about fun, flow, and feeling. How about you? How are you setting your course, this new season, this year? Let me know with a comment!