It’s Sunday night, and that means, I am back on the blog. After writing about feelings shaping habits last week, I challenged myself to think about feelings in different ways. And I really tried to focus on my own feelings.
Feelings create empathy, but this week I focused on COGNITIVE empathy.
Cognitive empathy means I can feel what others are feeling without having the emotions attached to it. AKA walking in someone else’s shoes. As a highly sensitive INFJ, I often feel an overload of stimuli – emotions like hurt or boredom from others – that I don’t often feel myself.
So, in my life and work, I am trying to understand and empathize with others without having to feel the emotions attached to it. It’s SO hard. But that means, I can listen more and still clear my head and heart, giving space to what I want to do. Which leads me to…
I may be a helper type, but I only have so many resources (feelings!) to give.
I WANT to be generous. I WANT to help people. It’s rooted in my life’s values – service by using skills is the best way I can contribute to the world. That’s why I considered 2 tracks in college – psychology and communications (good thing marketing is a crossroads).
But I can’t give all myself away, or there will be nothing left. That’s why the Kaylie Day habit is so hard. And that’s why there’s an ‘output’ to Kaylie Day, a book. The book is simultaneously an extension of myself and not about me at all. Yet Kaylie Day still feels selfish. Therefore, I need to remind myself that my goals and feelings start with me.
How do I balance giving empathy with my own feelings and goals?
My WHY for what I’m doing – blogging every week, drafting a book, attempting a day just for myself – is for me. I’ve always wanted to write a book. But it’s also for others. I can cognitively understand that yet I constantly think about productivity, especially when it’s helping others. Maybe because this service and volunteer work feels like a “better” use of my time than working for myself. Am I naturally predisposed to want to help others instead of myself?
So, does that mean I have to make like Thoreau and make a Walden out of my space? Does that mean I just have to zip my lips more and say “no” to helping? Find people who *gasp* don’t need my help (because some people don’t)? Change my environment?
I think I’ve assigned altruism as a key source of goals and habits. But now it’s time to lean into my feelings for personal, seemingly selfish habits. How about you, do you assign feelings, thoughts, or principles to your habits and goals?