Grace and relationships, responsibilities, and releasing

Hi all! It’s been a minute (about 2 1/5 weeks) since I’ve added GRACE content. In 2022, I am applying GRACE to different topics and publishing these discoveries on the 10^th, 20^th, and 30^th of every month. Because February’s a short month, my last post specifically about grace was on February 20^th. Click here to dive into my last discoveries on grace, connecting grief, guilt, and growth.

It’s March, so I am now transitioning to R in GRACE, and it’ll be the first of 3. Much comes to mind: grace and responsibilities. Respect. Relationships. Relaxation. Releasing. And because I give myself time to meditate, write, then edit, I may or may not write about all these topics in March. A self-expectation is to keep my topics fresh while also reflecting on past-learnings. In other words, I aim to keep connecting GRACE discoveries to continue educating myself (and others). I too hope you’ve discovered something new, about yourself and/or others, which leads to my first R:

Giving grace to relationships

I’ve lived in Colorado for nearly 9 months now, and overall, it’s been a blast finding spaces in a new state, like making connections at work and throughout Denver. I’ve started dating someone about 2 months ago, and he’s added so much joy and understanding to my life. If I hadn’t given myself time (and grace in respecting my last relationship), I would not have had an open mind and heart for a new partnership. I am also giving grace to new friendships, recognizing that befriending others does take time as an adult, especially during this “endemic” state of the world. I am happy to share that I’ve gone on a walk and talk with one friend and supported a local screen-printing house (pictured) with another pal. My friends and I all serve at a school in different capacities, and now we hang out outside of work. Which leads me to:

As a womxn in the helping industry, I too often forget to listen to myself. This “others before self” mentality is not uncommon yet I often forget to do a self-check-in… Even though my relationship with myself impacts all my other interactions. In fact, Emily and I discussed connecting self-care with social care in her #womxninprogress spotlight. She reminded me that the best way to show up for the world is to be my most authentic self, THEN serving others will be more fulfilling, true, and impactful. I’m learning that my relationship (ie, feelings, work, and worth) to service projects AND people have changed, due in large part to my move to CO. And that’s okay. Giving grace to relationships can mean distance.

How to give grace by letting go or “releasing”

My boyfriend gave me the word “releasing” a few weeks ago, and it’s been a tough subject for my meditations. He didn’t give much context on purpose and instead suggested I learn for myself what that word means. Well, it’s been a journey. “Releasing” right now means giving grace to that which I CANNOT control (which is reminiscent of my Grace and God, Grounding, and Going post, a bit). I know I CANNOT control how others perceive me, especially if these folks are at a distance, physically and/or mentally. But I can give grace by acknowledging space and time. Distance can be a healthy boundary, so I am respecting those who choose to not engage with me. I miss some friends, or at least the times when we were closer. But I now know that disengagement is not about me, it’s about life moving on (some religions might call this, “surrendering”). Letting go or “releasing” these past relationships gives both parties time and space. Giving grace to personal history is hard but important!

I am also trying to let go or “release” the idea that I must be liked by everyone. Instead, I am trying to give grace to my coping mechanisms, recognizing that some thoughts and behavior patterns may be logical but not necessarily sensitive to my emotions. I can’t know what everyone thinks of me. This is probably why I was a “yes woman” for so long (and now acknowledging that I am a #wip in this regard). My old thought process may resonate: if I keep showing up, I’m reliable, and then people will start seeing me as such, that I am dependable, productive… but maybe a bit of a pushover. While I am STILL working on saying “no” once and a while, I am focusing on the idea of choosing “yes” to what’s essential, such as internal and external responsibilities. While I love making systems to apply logic, I’m learning it is also my responsibility to listen to my gut when something feels right or wrong.

Giving grace to responsibilities

I genuinely love to work, and have a variety of positions online and off, but I am working on not binding my worth to these jobs. There is SO much good work happening at my full-time job at an independent school, but one way I am giving grace to this role is by collaborating more. I am not a silo; in fact, I am part of an amazing marketing-communications team. I try to use the phrase, “how can our team support you?” to show engagement is a collaborative effort.

I am also recognizing that some of my responsibilities, in-person and online, take time to nurture. While I am internally promoting some roles within this website, I am giving GRACE by taking time to learn, reflect, and even make website updates. My boyfriend, a writer himself, has asked some questions about this website, and his feedback helped me understand my intended audience. This resulted in updating my homepage, as well as nurturing a warmer tone on the blog. Even though I’ve published on and off since 2019, I am giving my old posts grace, including editing when I see a copy error, recognizing that some blogs may not bite, but I can still share them with like-minded friends who want some encouragement. (My website goal is to show fellow creative, often overachieving folks they are not alone and give ideas on structuring life/work, inspiration, and career guidance!) I am also giving grace to new projects by recognizing that some external roles, like my editing gig on Fiverr, are not for everyone. In addition, some blog readers may not jive with my #womxninprogress spotlights (I still hold onto hope for gender equality). I AM grateful for increased site engagement of recent months, but externally promoting my work still feels gross sometimes, so I am working on balancing living my creative, fulfilling life with sharing it online.

Over to you: how have you showed up graciously for the people, positions, and projects in your life? Can grace start with yourself? As always, thoughts and questions welcome! I’ll see you next Wednesday, March 16^th for #womxninprogress spotlight #3, March 20^th for another R of GRACE, or who knows, maybe even sooner! Thanks for being here.