Inner Compass: Movement, Making Meaning, Minimizing

Welcome back to my explorations of my phrase for 2023: inner compass! Diving into what, who, and where matters to me has been a thoughtful challenge every month this year. I’m onto M of INNER COMPASS. Maui the wonder pup is ever watchful as I type away, sniffing my coffee.

For much of summer, my inner compass has valued minimalism.

Minimalism has many definitions, but I enjoy ‘frugal hedonism’. A couple questions I ask myself include, what can I do that doesn’t cost money and instead gives me value in return? And what can I do with myself, without being dependent on others to provide value for myself? By focusing on one task at a time, I not only practice minimalism, I give more attention to tasks at hand. Independence also cultivates resilience and strength. I don’t have to wait and can keep moving forward.

As a result, I have learned to really see what I want in my life. Stripping everything away, physically and emotionally, this looks like a making a regular practice of learning, moving, and creating. And so this time has afforded me the ability to successfully apply to grad school for library and information science. I view this as a parallel to my current marketing career but more focused on public access to resources. I’m thrilled to begin in September, with classes in foundational materials, access, and data visualization!

And this intentional minimalism practice has also shown me what I physically need, too, due in part to a flooded basement but also many dog-sitting gigs. I have reduced my necessities to 2 bags. Over the last 2 months, I’ve spent only a few days at home. I’ve stayed with various dogs, from pups to seniors, and transitioned my belongings to one bag for clothes, an additional backpack for books, and my laptop. Essential Kaylie (who is not always working) needs regular reading material, routine exercise, and healthy meals. And lots of coffee.

Minimizing has come with more realizations, too:

• I do not need much entertainment when I focus on doing activities well (and longer) and thus doomscroll less.
• With regular dog-sitting, I can live anywhere. Same (ish) opportunity with library/information.
• Dog and house-sitting show me numerous ways to live, from cleanliness to diets.
• Having another being needing me grounds reality.
• Marketing is increasingly less fulfilling.

An inner compass recognizes when movement is necessary.

These realizations have been cultivated with time, but what’s actually sustainable here? While I am grateful to have a part-time marketing job with benefits, I know my anticipated trajectory has less focus on marketing (media) and more on materials (messaging), such as library or museum collections. My inner child/compass says PBS, a big lifelong dream, and I am making ways to listen! Digital archiving sounds fascinating and essential, as the information landscape is exploding. However, I will continue to share insights from the master’s program with my colleagues as well you, dear reader.

I know many changes are on the precipice. Moving forward, instead of moving on, I know I can claim my power and make decisions of what life looks like. Say hello to my new friends, autonomy and agency! Being able to go back to school is a privilege I don’t take lightly. The fact that I can keep moving (intellectually, physically, emotionally) after such a tumultuous season is a gift. Even a year ago, I was disassociated with grief, holding onto my grandma, confused by exes, and only beginning to form a Colorado support network. Now, I have friends near and far, am monogamously dating, and honoring my feelings and behavior patterns.

And my inner compass knows I like to move, both fast and often. But sometimes endurance matters, too. Movement looks like making Essential Kaylie routines now, so that I can respond appropriately when life changes again AKA enduring and coping. Priorities include making a habit of independent time, even when my workload shifts to schoolwork, as well as being with people. I’ll need a cohort at school, and I hope to keep expanding my dog-sitting network. Online, I too have routines that I want to maintain. I have made a habit of posting here every 10 days, but I need to decide how to balance this website with school and work. Simply, I don’t want to get stuck, and structured routines plus new habits help me move forward.

I get to decide who, what, where’s meaningful.

As humans, we make meaning out of life so that the random chaos feels controlled, so there’s something to hold onto. And life has tossed some unexpected circumstances this month. I didn’t plan to visit Milwaukee via airplane, but I am glad I did. (The unexpected flight cancellation though? Not so much, even with first class seating.)

People are the meaning of life. And as my friend Lexi says, if that’s true, then I am the meaning of my own life. Valuing how I show up, online and off, I’ve increasingly cared about honesty more than positivity. There’s something to be said about when to share and how to share, but one lesson is that I am NOT always Sunshine. Letting go of that persona has been a personal journey, and now it is becoming a social one, too. Recognizing that this bubbly person is someone I needed, not necessarily what/who others’ needed, is a lot to grapple with.

Sunshine is always within me, but now I care about other sides of my personality, too: I am funny. I’m wise and weird. I am more extroverted than I think I am. And I don’t always share, but when I do, it’s usually for the underserved or not seen yet. I am truthful and loyal, almost to a fault. And then as a result, I hold onto things. And that’s why I held onto Sunshine, previous relationships (see my Facebook friends list), even Wisconsin for far too long.

And so now I am releasing expectations on ME and thus minimizing what I hope for others, too. I want to be there for me. Quite frankly, as an adult, I have to be. With family sick/far away, it’s my job to be my best friend and family. As a result, I can find where, what, and who are meaningful and find what or who is still there for me, after this shift. Maybe some won’t even see this transition? Perhaps it’s not about them, even. Since they are the meaning in their own lives, they might not see the work I’m doing since they are hopefully doing their own. How oddly nihilist and hopeful! Just be decent, work on you, and maybe meaning will come. Or not. What’s your inner compass telling you?