Inner Compass: Navigation, Network, & Non-Negotiables

Welcome to my second post on Inner Compass, my word for 2023! On the 10th of every month, I’ll be asking questions about my values and identities, all related to each letter of “inner compass.” I’m diving into the first N of “inner compass” today.

When I set “inner compass” for my word for the year, I considered, who am I? How has my new-ish home (along with new job, new relationships, and new roles) in Colorado changed me? Am I the same person, the wildly passionate introvert from Wisconsin? By definition, an “inner compass” recognizes individual intentions and values while also allowing honest assessment of personality traits, such as behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. And so that leads to the first N of inner compass: navigation.

How am I navigating this new-ish space of Colorado?

One of my goals is to honestly examine and evaluate what (who, where, when) makes me feel fulfilled. And also give myself permission to acknowledge what does not fill my cup. I’ve found some people, places, and ideas that help me navigate.

• Spaces that help – libraries, thrift stores, and smaller grocery stores (like Trader Joe’s)
• Times that help – regularly scheduled 1:1 check-ins and Saturday “unicorn time” mornings by myself
• Spaces and times that have not helped – meetings with more than 10 people

It feels somehow freeing and terrifying to write what is and isn’t working here. I sometimes struggle with hearing and seeing. Coping mechanisms abound: I try reading lips, take ample notes, ask clarifying questions, and aim for meetings in smaller spaces, but this isn’t always possible. Sharing my abilities is one way to stand up for myself, but this assertiveness is still something I’m learning.

Asking for support is a new concept for me, and I am trying to share honestly. Hello, vulnerability.

By being honest and fair with others, I have been gifted with budding relationships, shared my website with more people, have had more opportunities for quality time (like spending time with friends at the thrift store, museum, and First Friday art walks), and have sometimes felt seen.

For example, after a particularly meeting-heavy day, a colleague suggested I head home, go for a run. Say what, a run… with an eminent sunset? Even a month ago, I would have struggled with sharing my exhaustion so openly, but I was asked a direct question, and was truthfully worn out. While some people prefer unwinding with PJs, screen time, or cozy carryout, I took a chance and listened to her suggestion, and my introverted energy transformed the jog into a run, and then a sprint after the sun. Wow! Exactly what I needed. I took one picture, and it’s the main image of this post.

With this new mindset of curating spaces, how do I value my professional, social, and service networks?

My professional network is more than my full-time job. A school marketer, I’m happy to be working on one of my favorite types of projects for an organization that shares many of my personal values. (Once this work is in the world, I’ll edit this very post.) But for now, I’ll share that by working at an independent school, the network includes parents, board members, students, alumni, staff, and many more people. And that means my network within the organization fluctuates seasonally, too.

For example, come Spring, I’ll be coaching Girls on the Run again. Fourth semester doing so! This role brings me so much joy. I get to connect with students and their families. Children and adults (myself included!) gain social-emotional skills like meeting and really, truly seeing people.

My service network exists in and outside of Colorado, too. I’m making bridges for my alma mater. Ripon will always have a piece of my heart. And at PawsCo, I’m grateful for a small but mighty marketing team and friend in Julia. Values-based volunteering can do a lot of good, not just for a resume.

My social network is often centered on service roles.

Summer includes volunteering at shows at Levitt Pavilion, and Autumn’s gig is with the Denver Film Fest. But outside of volunteering, I aim to attend more meetups specifically for the creative community. There are ample spaces for this key value throughout Colorado, such as libraries, art galleries, dance halls, stages, and independent bookstores.

Special interest groups I’ll make a mission to look into, beyond making art and volunteering? Climbing, camping, sci-fi reading (and writing), endurance running, bodybuilding, board gaming, and gardening. To name a few.

I miss some of my friends due to my increased focus on service, freelance, and professional work, but there are no hard feelings. Life is just changing, especially as I continue to focus on building my creative practice.

But I am focused on maintaining deep friendships, which leads to my last question (and n of inner compass) for this post:

What are my non-negotiables?

Introverted time, where I’m running, reading, writing, or meditating, has worked so well all 2023! Reserving Saturday mornings for me is now something I can’t take back. I value my alone time. See my last post discussing how I manage “Unicorn Time” with other goals.

Interpersonally, one of my non-negotiables is keeping my deep relationships strong:

• My brother David and I have a designated evening to catch up for anywhere from 30-90 minutes each week
• Cathy and I don’t have a scheduled date, but we’re excellent at texting, interacting online here, sometimes writing, and calling at least once/month
• Emily, my cousin and mom to my godson, and I catch up once/month
• PawsCo includes twice/month meetings, but I’m building friendships, especially with my fellow marketer and friend, Julia
• Asking my social networks for help once/month, such as next month’s revamped Womxn in Progress and research for my book, Omit to Commit

Another non-negotiable? I don’t spend time on my phone when hanging with people in-person, unless I have a specific item to find. Frankly, sharing screen time and in-person time is not a thing. It’s disrespectful and shows you’d rather be somewhere else, even if that somewhere is virtual. Divided attention is not okay for me, especially for new relationships.

Likewise, when an in-person hangout is imminent, I’m learning to set boundaries for time, such as if the other person arrives significantly later than agreed. I can only control my time and space, so it’s up to me to share what I expect. 10 or even 20 minutes late is okay with Denver traffic! If a friend’s later than that, I start to question the relationship. Especially if that later arrival hasn’t been shared.

I’m taking these dynamics of space, time, and relationships in stride. Due in part to working on myself first, life has given me much independence. By focusing on what I want and don’t want, I’m living more honestly and courageously. How about you, how is 2023 shaping up? Are you listening to what brings you joy? And what doesn’t? Hope to hear from you!