Oh, hello again, world. It’s been a minute (okay, 2-ish months) since I’ve written last. In that time, I’ve moved to a new state, thanks to a new job. Blogging’s been on my mind. And so has change. I’d rather not write clichés. But I can tell you what I’m feeling, how I’m reacting, and maybe some of that will help you, even if your changes may seem smaller or larger… Or you just want to peep into my brain. Any change can feel huge, so I like asking myself questions to check in.
One Q to start self-discovery: What small comforts can make life feel normal?
Because change is inherently different, it’s okay to find some normalcy (routine!) in everyday things. One of the first things I did here was find a radio station that not played my tastes (alternative, rock, oldies, indie, blues… essentially anything but 21st century country and pop) but is independent, non-commercial, and community-driven. Finding a station helped me further connect to my new state, with local happenings, DJs, and beats. There’s a comfort in universalities, like singing along to the radio or at a concert (just went to my first [free, outdoor] Covid concert last night!).
Another small comfort? Shaking up my maps routine. Instead of finding the fastest way from Point A to Point B, I started using Google Maps differently by filtering for directions without highways. In so doing, I am learning more about Denver’s various neighborhoods, not only where they are in proximity to one another but how each area feels and looks. Similar to Milwaukee, Denver has a variety of thriving districts, and so I’m already finding some favorites. One habit? I urban spelunk, usually starting with coffee, and then expand my radius to discover street art, a trail, and bite.
I am constantly asking myself: How do I feel?
It’s oddly enchanting that people perceive me to be intrepid to have moved 1000ish miles away from home. I didn’t do this to be inspirational. In fact, I’m apparently 1 of 10,000 people who move here each month. But I am leaning into the emotional waves that carry the day.
Often, I use physical activities to find my mental center and am practicing meditation, writing (for myself and others!), and running. I am fearful (of missing out, of not belonging), amazed (that this is my life now and how crazy-awesome-different it is), and grateful (of roommates and coworkers who are intelligent and supportive, and of my past that led me here), often all in the same day. I feel some items are still missing, like working for a pantry, and am finding connections to bring that back into my life, too.
A heavy, important question, Is this experience reaffirming who I am?
Certainly, my location and job have changed, but I am still the same person. I am more than my environments: I am the sum of all my experiences, relationships, likes and dislikes, vices and virtues. Some things that are still true, even though my space and position are different? I want to do all the things but know I do not have to, with so many amazing individuals surrounding me. I still feel anxious sometimes. And I’m overall still healthy, content, and independent.
I think I am the same, even if there’s a disconnect between what some people may think of me now that I’ve moved, and what I think of me. I try not to spend energy on negative people and lead a life of honesty and fairness, instead of judgment. Letting thoughts go of “what do they think of me? Do they even think of me?” brings peace. Instead, I aim for, “they are living their own lives, and so am I.” Autonomy is a gift.
Ultimately, this new chapter is one of physical change, and I’m grateful for a lifelong dedication of self-discovery. I am mentally very much the same person. And I hope to re-establish routines like regular writing (I love giving myself assignments!) back into my life, as routines like running and meditation remain, so don’t be a stranger here. Change in your life? Let me know how you’re feeling or coping with a comment, I’m here to help!