Omit to Commit is all about the resources needed to opt into (and out of) behaviors, such as time, traditions (individual or group behaviors), trust, and treasures. By regularly making and breaking habits, life becomes more fulfilling and satisfying. I’m drafting a book called Omit to Commit, and in 2023, I’m posting research on the 20th of every month.
I’ve talked with many friends on what they need, and these conversations, though vulnerable, have been eye-opening. I am so grateful to have a handful of sensitive, thoughtful folks in my life. Who care about themselves (and me) enough to share. Sharing in the struggle and the success of life is essential. It shows humanness and humanity. Committing to one another and to ourselves is an eternal task.
COVID is still very real. I wish I could say it’s post-pandemic, but the effects still linger. Safety and security are top concerns, yet I think what we’re also collectively looking for is belonging. Where does community come from, when life continues to fragment, due to access, politics, economics, the pandemic?
I feel very fortunate to have found a sense of purpose within myself, but it’s partially due to the fact that I have learned to ask for help. At grad school, support abounds. We each play to our strengths, working toward a common degree, a cohort indeed. I’d love to see this model in the “real world” and think of some it still does exist. But it came from a place of really needing it.
Why was I so dependent on a deficit to form community? Such loss and grief finally found homes – acceptance – in my heart. Accepting that I’ll always be grieving (Milwaukee, Grandma, my first pup) has finally allowed me to start healing. But I have stopped purposefully isolating others from this hurt. Community really matters. It helps with feeling, committing, and thinking.
Cognitive overwhelm is real on an individual and social level. Yet my solution of late is to acknowledge the commonality of pains. I don’t want to generalize and thus neutralize or even undermine people’s hurt. But one anecdote to systemic fatigue is people. Committing to even one friend – yourself first – is radical. Courageous. Honest.
And that’s what I intend to be. That’s who I commit to.
Realizing I was part of toxic positivity was painful. “Sunshine” has a place, but I am no longer that person. She’s a persona.
And also acknowledging I am more of an extroverted introvert has come with many realizations. I’m no doctor, but one is that feedback helps me feel and be human. This idea has changed my outlook on why I was so disassociated last year: I did not lean on my support system and continued to isolate. Extroverts get energy from other people, and though I still prefer 1:1, I glean wisdom, understanding, and perspective(s) from others.
Fundamentally though, we need people. Who are you committing to? How do you support one another? I’d love to see in the comments!
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