I’ve had many conversations with friends and associates the last few weeks about the role of self in making things happen, and that’s led to topics like self-esteem, confidence, and energy. And I absolutely believe confidence is key in making good stuff happen… But where does it originate?
In elementary school, I didn’t have much confidence. I constantly felt like I didn’t belong. Whether it was that I didn’t go to the same church or clothing store, I always felt different. And even though kids are taught to “be themselves”, difference seemed to be perceived as a bad thing, when I was young. I read, then wrote my own books during middle school. I didn’t really have friends in the school environment until 7th or so grade.
Environment is HUGE in creating confidence.
I have since found people that share many of my same attitudes, but enough differences, to keep things interesting. One of my best friends is an atheist, and that’s awesome, because I love deep talks, based on unique points of view. I love chatting about the potential of other or others beyond us. So even though we share a different philosophy, there’s enough crossover in interests, like creating and learning and list making.
But environments have helped me grow into my confidence by nurturing my voice. Giving space allows others to share their own points of view. Still some spaces aren’t great for me, as an introvert. But I am learning to put myself out there, and embrace my weirdness (this is not as simple as “be yourself” since it’s a more active choice).
Using my skills for good gives me confidence.
“Actions speak louder than words” is usually used for children’s behavior, but it can also be used for doing the hard thing(s). A lot of my friends have called me intrepid, and I never really understood why. I think it’s because I do a whole lot of work outside of the paycheck, and that capacity gives me confidence.
What’s dangerous about that is my worth becomes dependent on what I do, not just who I am. I LOVE being productive, and that looks objectively good, like working at a pantry in my spare time, helping build friends’ professional social media pages, or editing their resumes. And even though these projects use my skills, and also give me confidence when something’s accomplished, that’s more of a reflection of producing or doing, not being.
And so now I am learning that just being around good people gives me confidence, too.
I am maintaining friendships with those who make me feel good. They remind me that I am often walking sunshine, but it’s okay if I’m not always full of energy because I’m a human, too. I respect those who tell it to me straight, who keep me grounded. Because by doing so much, I sometimes get lost in the routine of constant movement. These folks bring me back down to reality.
And being confident comes down to BEING. Not doing anything. Not waiting for others’ approval of a good work. Or having enough “yeses” in a life. Confidence comes from knowing myself, refining my ever-changing roles in the universe, and putting my weird self “out there”. Where does your confidence come from?