Give space for mental energy

I’ve been meditating on energy. I can control the physical energy I give to something, but it’s harder for me to see the mental energy. This is not to say that my brain isn’t working; neurons are firing very well, thank you. I’m constantly going: Waking up early to run, then work, then volunteer at the pantry, then exercise again, then take a class or write the book…

I need time to pause and give space for mental energy.

In my morning meditations, I have been focused on giving good energy and becoming energy. I desire intention. I want to be connected to the universe, and there’s tons of energy around. I’m soaking it all in, and have loved the spaces of good energy my friends and I’ve fostered, like weekly Zumba sessions or learning to bake bread over FB Messenger. Friends, thank you for being sources of love, laughter, honesty, and intention.

But I can’t control what the universe does. I can’t control what other people do. We’re all figuring it out. And that’s exciting and terrifying because humans can give energy and hope others give energy back, but some are on their own wavelengths. I can’t control that.

I’m a very all or nothing person, which means: I’d rather omit topics/people/habits than moderate them. By being all or nothing, I give my full, undivided attention to something, and then I (usually) know when my energy tap has run dry. I’d rather discern and work on a bunch of somethings than not be sure where I stand with someone.

And it seems lot of people don’t quite understand this all-or-nothingness. Maybe because I know where I stand on issues, and I know myself? Perhaps I look Type A? Simply, I’ve realized this current truth about myself, and I am deciding to embrace it, at least right now.

I also have learned that NOT giving energy to someone or something is healthier than giving negative energy.

Don’t get me wrong, doing “nothing” is just as much as a choice as reacting poorly. But I am learning where my space is in the universe. I don’t want to be idle, I don’t want to have someone speak on behalf of me if it looks like I’m giving no energy, and I don’t want to enable bad energy either.

I try to present my mental space as collected (sometimes calm, often enthused), intentional, and intelligent. Not many people have such a sense of their own mental energy (please share how you discern your own or if you’d like, your struggles, with a comment). I cannot know what others’ wavelengths are. In fact, sometimes I struggle with being an empath, where I can quickly, almost intuitively sense others’ thoughts and feelings. As an INFJ, this can get overwhelming, so if someone is completely against my mental energy of calm and focused, I may give no energy, especially if someone is angry and so…

I have to be careful where to give energy.

I’m learning silence isn’t always the answer because it looks like no energy, so I am going to try to speak up when something’s wrong, whether it’s personal like a fight that needs a mediator (hello again, INFJ double-edged sword) or social, like Black lives matter. I am white, I have inherent privilege because of that. But I can still say that, it’s true: Black, brown, and other POC lives absolutely matter. And I don’t want to be silent about any issue like that.

But I don’t give too much energy to topics like that on social media. This is because I have overall stopped using personal platforms; I prefer the website you’re reading now. I’ll absolutely share my opinions here or 1:1, but is it wrong that I didn’t share #BLM on social media because I simply don’t post there anymore? Sure, I’ll go on to “like” friends’ posts occasionally. I haven’t completely omitted socials from my life, due in part to working in marketing. But is it “wrong” that this omission may mean others’ think I don’t believe in the cause? Or do my friends not even have this thought because I’m just overthinking in my head?

Overall, I have stopped giving energy to people that only exist in the online space and now spend more time giving energy to those physically in my life. And yes, physically can mean a text. Certainly, the pandemic has exasperated this hurdle, but I am happy to be vaccinated and love Zoom, TwoSeven, and Duo, so if you want to reach out, please do! I hope this honest look at mental energy enlightens you on how I’m finding clarity in what I do by how I think and feel. If you’d like to share how you’re learning how you deal with energy, online and off, feel free to comment.